Walking on Water

This is the first post of my new blog.  My heart is stirring inside to get back to my writing...to not give up...to be open.  So here I am, though it can be risky as a pastor's wife. 

I feel like I've been attempting to walk on water alot lately.  Sometimes succeeding.  Sometimes taking my eyes off of Jesus and plunging under, getting water up my nose and the whole works.  The last couple of days have been the later. 

I'm a Pastor's wife, dedicated to raising my kids and supporting my husband.  I'm also a writer.  And lately...I've been a worrier.  I've written a novel about pastor's wives.  I've sent it to agents.  I've jumped through hoops.  I thought since I already published a book this would be easy...not so.  No publisher takes unsolicited manuscripts anymore.  They want you to have an agent.  Guess what, now the agents are not taking unsolicited manuscripts.  What is a writer supposed to do?  I can't afford self-publishing, nor do I want to manage that end of things.  But something inside, some little part that knows it's possible to walk on water can't give up.  This is what I want to do!

Meanwhile, I have a preteen and teen who suddenly require the big bucks.  Driver's Ed, retreats, camp...all the fun stuff.  And then the roof needs replaced and the car breaks down.  Sound familiar?  So I go to the school district office to put my name in as a para-ed sub.  I'm thinking, they always need subs, right?  Wrong.  Nothing is available.  So I get on line and explore other avenues.  I'm committed to Mondays off with my pastor husband with a demanding job with 60 + hours, and I want to be here for my kids on weekends and evenings. And until May, I'm committed to Mentor at Mops one day a week.  That makes a job just a tad bit difficult to find. So what did I do? 

I'm ashamed to say I gave in and fell in.  I watched Downton Abbey and ate to much.  I cried.  I did the "poor me" thing.  And as I conversed with God...OK, whined to God.  He kept one word coming to my mind over and over.  "Trust".   "Trust."  He didn't say He'd find me a job.  He didn't promise to get my novel published.  He reminded me that He is in control and He will provide and take care of me.  But what do I have to do?  I've got to keep my eyes on Him so I can move forward and walk on water.

I'm working on it.  This blog is a start.  I hope it reminds you that you are not alone.  That we all struggle to keep our eyes on Jesus, but He is faithful.

                                                                           ---Stacey